Reality Sucks
by crunchberry
Summary: Ch 5 added! Set immediately after Normal Again - Spike uses a thrall to control Buffy until more antidote is made.
1. Default Chapter

**Title:**  Reality Sucks  

**Chapter 1** – What have I done?

**Rating:**  R – This was posted a year ago under the title "What is Real" and I had 4 chapters completed – it was rated NC 17 so redoing the story, the ending and tweaking the first couple chapters.  Had over 70 reviews though – so must have been doing something right.  

**Spoilers**:  This is set right after Normal Again when all the Scooby's are in the basement and Buffy still hasn't taken the antidote yet.

**Disclaimers:**  Joss owns all the characters in the Buffy verse.  He even owns Spike which I am incredibly jealous of but I guess I will get over it in time…..  At least he shares.

**Email: Crunchberry327@hotmail.com**    

Distribution:  Just ask and tell me where.  Just not at barneythepurpledino.com.

**Chapter one:  What have I done?**

I look at all their tense faces, try really looking this time, trying to anchor myself to this world.  My hold on this reality is tenuous, at best.  Which world is real?  I'm afraid I know the answer and wouldn't like it one bit.

"You're not safe 'til I drink the antidote," I tell my friends.  They look surprised at this. Since I just killed the demon, they probably figured everything was right with the world again.  At least THEIR world.  

Dawn looks at me with abject fear in her eyes.  Oh my god, what did I do?  I almost killed my friends and my sister!  I might still kill them.  I know I need to act fast, before the other reality comes back and entices me away again.  Because that's what it is, enticing.  Mom and dad together, taking care of me, instead of me taking care of the world.  "Enticing" isn't even close to how I feel toward that reality.  It would be so easy to just close my eyes again.  But no. I almost killed my best friends and my sister.

"Dawn, go to Janice's right now.  Don't come home 'til Will or Tara tells you to.  Go NOW!"  I use the tone of voice that brooks no argument from anyone.  Dawn takes a quick look at Tara, then bolts up the basement stairs.  Good, one less worry for my addled mind to handle.

"Willow, how long will it take you to make up another batch of the antidote?" I ask.

"Well, with ... without the use of magic, it'll take a day or two.  I could use Tara's help, maybe, to speed things up, but I don't know if we have enough of the demon's poison to make another full batch," Willow says, her voice shaking a little bit, like she's trying not to sound frightened.   

"No, I need Tara here, for the time being. I can send her to you later.  Xander, you go get Spike. He's the only one strong enough to subdue me if I go all lunatic asylum again."   

Xander almost chokes on that one.  "Get Spike?  The bite-less wonder of Sunydale?  He can't hurt a kitten, let alone you!  What's he going to do? Ogle you to death?"

Oh god – I don't have the time to go into this with him right now.  Doesn't he realize I could kill them all in a minute if I let go of the hold I have on this reality?  Luckily, Tara looks at me and sees the fear I have for them all and tells Xander to just run and get Spike, that she'll explain later.  Thank God for Tara.   

 "O.K., but I don't like it.  We don't need Spike here, making things even more complicated," Xander grumbles as a parting comment, but he goes up the stairs.  Willow follows him out.  Now it's just Tara and I staring at each other.  I feel the tears threatening.  Oh god, what have I almost done?   

"It's O.K., Buffy. Xander will get Spike and we'll stay with you.  Everything will be O.K., honey."  She is the most beautiful person I know, inside and out.  What would I do without her?  I almost killed her, too.  Well – I need protection from myself, and she can help me short term until Spike gets here.

"Tara, can you do a spell that keeps me in the basement 'til Spike gets here?"  

"Uh, I ... I think so.  It won't last too long, though," she replies.   

It doesn't need to last long.  Spike should be here soon, and I just don't want to hurt any of them anymore.  I trust Spike to keep me from killing my friends.  But then again, what is there to keep me from killing him?  Especially if he's just a figment of my imagination?  Well, I'll worry about that later.

"O.K., do it.  Then stay upstairs – I don't want you down here with me!"

Tara looks at me like she wants to argue, but then she nods her head and slowly goes upstairs and closes the door.  I can hear her saying some things, and I just hope the spell works, because all I have to do is close my eyes and I am in heaven.  Or what I thought was heaven when I died….

TBC….. 

I really  love feedback!! Hint hint….


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:**  What is Real?

**Chapter 2:**    Discussions

**Rating:**  R overall – this chapter G

**Email:**  crunchberry327@hotmail.com      Crunchberry

.

**Disclaimers:**  Joss owns all, Joss is magnificent, Joss is evil too.  He also owns all the characters in this story so far.  Won't sell em, even when I promised him the $53.45 that I had in my vampire bank….

**Summary:**  My story is set after Riley's Revengeful Return to Sunnydale and how he mucks up all my plans for getting money for the Slayer and how I am so sick of this chip and being Buffy's bleedin whippin boy and god am I whipped….  

Spikes POV……  .

God I'm bored.  Nothing on the telly 'cept wrestling and cooking shows.  And I stole cable just for this!  Could keep cleaning the downstairs part of the crypt but my heart just isn't into it.  Too many memories of what we can't have.  Well, not until she comes out of Buffy denial land.  Pacing back and forth, I have way too much energy to get rid of.  Too bad nightfall is number of hours away yet, could of gone for killing some vamps right now.  Can't go over to any of the bars either, sunlight too bright.  Don't fancy becoming a dust pile for some street cleaner to vacuum up.

_I was right; she wouldn't let me in her world even when the Scoobies pull me into it.  Its like I'm needed but the second I do my job, I'm kicked out.   Always in the dark I am.  Not good enough for her and her self-righteous attitude 'bout her being the slayer and all that bloody bullshit.   Oh, I need a fag.  Getting all tempered up over something I can't change_.  I look around for my duster and get my smokes out of the pocket.  Just then, I hear footsteps outside the crypt door.  

_Oh bloody hell.  Must rub off from Buffy to the Scoobies, no knocking – just storm right in like they all own the joint.  At the rate this one is coming over here, Xander is getting to be a regular.  Maybe I should just rent him space over here, not like he has anyplace to go anymore. _

"Oh, its leave 'em at the alter boy" I sneer.   

"Oh – just shut up Spike!  You have no idea how it is to love someone as much as I love Anya and not be able to go through with the ceremony.  It is killing me and I want her back so much and I really have no time to tell you all this since I really don't like you and Buffy for some unknown reason says she needs you and only you" he manages to say all this without taking a breath.

 Oh yeah I do know how to love someone,  you wanker.  I have all the same feelings inside but I have to keep them inside because god forbid the truth would ever come out.  

Wait a second.  Did he just say what I think he said?  The Slayer needing me?

"She needs me ay?"  I say suggestively.

   Now this is interesting.  Maybe she came clean with her friends and finally told them about us.  There are cold days in hell after all.  Not many but some.

"Not like that Spike!  God you're disgusting.  Like Buffy would EVER consider you in that way or any way!  No she somehow thinks you're the only one to keep her in line till we get some more antidote made up".  

"She does, does she?" I say.

I notice Xander looks very flustered for some reason.  Also has a bruise on his nose and he was limping a bit.  Wondered what happened in chez Summer residence since I left? 

 "Alright, I bite, well not literally at least.   What's happened to Buffy now?  She drank the antidote right?  Or did you guys bullocks even that up?"

"I'll tell you on the way to Buffy's house.  We have to hurry, left Tara alone with her and I don't know if she can do it by herself.  Grab your blanket and lets go!" Xander replied.

"Sorry mate, sun is way too bright for a noon stroll thru the gardens.  We'll take the scenic route downstairs,  I don't feel like being a Krispy Kreme right now."   Grabbing my duster I give the boy a look that dares him to defy me.  

 _So Glinda is watching Buffy.  What in the hell happened?_

Going down past the burnt out portion of my lower bedroom, Xanders eyes almost popped out.   "What in the hell happened down here Spike?  Do so much naked exercising by yourself that you caught on fire from the friction and burnt the place up?  Oh – nope – your still here.  Such a shame." Xander said. 

"Ask the Slayer what happened.  I am sure she would enlighten you since she is so forthcoming about all her visits down here since she has been back".  Let him mull over that comment awhile.

"What in the hell are you talking about Spike?  More of your delusions of being Buffy's sex slave?  God, and I thought you just needed a girlfriend the last time I saw you down here, now I see you need a shrink more than Buffy does!"

"Yeah, well I probably do mate, I probably do".  I duck my head as we head out toward Revello drive.  It's a bit dank down here but not too bad.  I have my vampire vision to help me along and it humors me to hear Xander stumbling along in the dark. This is much better than sun worshiping topside.  He trips and falls right into me.  I have to hold him up and he quickly steps back out of my reach.  I sneer at him but unfortunately he can't see it.  

"Oh don't get all hot and bothered on me, just trying to help you out.  Your not necessarily my type".   His face was priceless at that comment.  He forgets that I can see just fine down here.  I finally take pity and bring out my lighter for him to use.  Giving it to him, I have to guide my hands over his and he nearly falls again trying to get away from my touch. By the time he lights my lighter, his hand is shaking like a leaf.   Hmmm that is interesting.  I affect him a lot more than I thought I did.

"So pray tell, what does the Slayer need me for?"  I ask.  We have to skirt around some holes and then I move a big box out of the way for us to go into a connecting cavern.  One of the things I love about this town is the myriad of tunnels and caves underneath 80% of it.  A vamp can get almost anywhere he wants without seeing the light of day.

"She decided to go all Andrea Yates on us and get us out of the picture.  She almost did it too.  Tied us all up down in the basement with the whatchamacallit demon and let him loose on us.  She hid under the stairs and just watched.  I got kicked all to hell and then Tara came and was able to undo the ropes on Willow and Dawn".

That stopped me in my tracks – "DAWN?  She tied up DAWN down there with that Glarghk Guhl Kashma'nek demon?  What the hell was the bint thinking?   Is Dawn ok?"

I pick up the pace, this sounded serious.  If anything happened to the nibblet I would take it out of Buffy's hide.  This was not like her.  She loved her sister more than anything.  Something serious was definitely amiss.  

"Yeah Dawn's ok.  Buffy came back to us right when that demon attacked Willow, I think somehow that brought her back, cause it certainly didn't when it was beating the crap out of me!  She then killed it really quick like she had no time to waste.  She then told Dawn to get to her friend Janice's and sent me running for you.  Willow started up another batch of the antidote but it'll take a day or two.  I think she is scared that she will go all wiggins again.  The problem is that she is the slayer and we have no chance against her if she sets her mind to it." 

Now I know why she wanted me there.  There is a chance I can subdue her.  Her mates won't like it one bit but if it keeps the Nibblet safe and helps Buffy, I will do it if I have to.  Part of her secret will come out though.  There was no going around that part.  

"So let me get this straight, Willow is making some more antidote, Little bit is at a friends house, Tara is slayer sitting and we are coming to the rescue?" I say.

"Yeah – 'bout sums it up, 'cept for why in the hell we need you.  How much longer down here Spike?  And while I am at it, why does she think you can help when you can't hurt any of us?" he asks.

Oh the question of the moment.  I take a quick right and there are the steps going up to the manhole cover on Revello drive.   I climb up the rusty stairs and hope he will forget that I haven't answered.  Time for the blanket.  I throw it around my head and make a mad dash for the slayers front porch.  The boy is right behind me.  A bit winded though.  He has put on a bit of weight in the last couple months, the demon must be a good cook.

I am about to open the door when he stops me with a hand on my arm.  I stop myself from making him even more nervous by putting my hand on top of his, no matter how much fun it would be to see his expression.  He is concerned about Buffy so guess it's not time to torment him.  

"Uh, Spike, I don't know what we will find in there.  I think Tara was putting up some type of spell so Buffy couldn't attack us.  So be careful." He says.  

I don't think he realized what he just said to me.  But there might be hope for him after all.  I open the door slowly without knocking wondering what we would find on the other side.

TBC……

Feedback always welcome and appreciated!  


	3. Chapter 3

**Title**:  Reality Sucks   (and so does this title – LOL!)

Chapter 3   

**Author**:  Crunchberry

**Email: ** crunchberry327@hotmail.com

Rating:  R 

**Spoilers:**  Set right after Normal Again (season 6)  Spike is the only one that can control Buffy till the antidote is remade.

**Disclaimers:**  Haven't been able to purchase the rights yet to BTVS from Joss, so he still owns all.  Greedy bstrd.

**A/N**   Taking a quick break from my season 2 Spike story - Chains of Darkness – (to refocus guys – will get back to it asap!) . 

 Let me me know if you like!

We step through the door quietly.  No sense in making a grand entrance if Buffy is on the warpath.  Everything is quiet.  I start down the hallway, passing the steps.  Xander is right behind me.  No sign of the slayer or the witch.  Coming past the hallway we run into her.  Tara is standing facing the closed basement door with a very intent expression on her face.  Slayer must still be in the basement then, all cozy and warm with the dead demon.

"Tara! Got Willy Wanna Bite with me, as ordered.  How's Buffy doing?"   Sometimes he can really annoy the hell out of me with his lame names for me.

"Spike! Hi." Tara actually looks glad to see me.

"I don't know how she is.  She had me do a spell to keep her in the basement, but it's not going to hold for much longer.  It's been quiet for a while, but I just heard her calling out to her mom.  I think she might have gone back to that other reality you guys told me about."

"Oh, shit.  I've been trying to figure out why she would want to kill us."   

"I know why _I_ would want to kill you!"  I say.  Hell, have wanted to shut him up for years.

" Shut up, Spike.  Maybe she thinks if we' are all dead, she can go back to her mom and dad somehow,." Xander says.  I just smirk at him.  Not even worth a comeback comment.

 "I don't know, Xander.  I still can't believe she would try to harm any of youDawn, let alone Dawnany of you.   Spike, I don't think this spell is going to hold much longer at all.  Will you be able to help?"   

Well, this is the part I really don't fancy.  No telling how far Buffy has gone into her delusions.   She might recognize me and then again she might just want to dust me on sight.  AOne determined slayer is going to be tough bird to restrain.

 I really don't want the Scoobiey's to find out about some of the things I can do, either.  They find out about some of my lesser- known talents and they'll would never trust me around them again.  Never take into consideration the fact that I could've of taken advantage of certain opportunities in all the time I' have known them, butand didn't.  Plus, I am a bit out of practice; it's been about sixty years since I have utilized the particular gift I think I'll need tonight.   I never have liked taking the pansy way out and only have used it before in dire emergencies.  Well, this qualifies as an emergency, and it' s not for my gratification – well, at least, not yet.   But I have to get in a position to keep her calm and not fighting me.   

 Xander is just staring at me; I can almost hear the thoughts going around in that noggin of his.   _How in the hell is HE going to be able to tie up Buffy? or some such rot.?  Well, there are ways that he won' t like at all.  He will like the consequences though:, a very brassed off slayer when this is all said and done.   Don't think the slayer will appreciate I did it out of love, not a power trip or anything.  _

 But my choices are not many.  I can walk out and let Buffy go on a soddin' killing spree.  The Scoobiey' s are right:, one single-minded slayer can wipe 'em all out.  Maybe not Red if she used her magic, but Buffy was able to tie her up and gag her once, she could do it again.  I also swore to protect Dawn 'till the end of the world.  Be it from monsters or her sister, I take my promises seriously.

"Yeah, I can help. I need you guys to clear out though.  It isn't going to be pretty and only come back when you have the medicine goop to give her".   

Xander looks at me like I have grown another head when I say this.   

"O.K.,k Evil Dead, what is your grand master plan?   I am all ears right now, 'cause the last time I knew, you were still Chips Ahoy man.  In case your ears were all clogged up down in the sewers, Buffy managed to tie us all up without breaking a sweat.  What can _you_ possibly do to keep her under control that we can't?"     

"Well I LIKE being tied up and since Buffy won't do anything I like, that won't happen tonight mate.  Also your forgetting some things.  I am a Master Vampire. You have a lot to learn about what I am capable of.  Just because I have this bleedin' chip in my head does not mean I have lost all of my abilities.  I will be able to help her, and I have her best interests at heart.  Now, SOD OFF!"   

Why I even bother to explain to him is beyond me.  For some reason, I crave acceptance from the Scoobiey's, including this boy in front of me.  What a pathetic gitsod I' have become.

"Xander, look, why don't we just leave and let Spike handle Buffy right now?"  

"No way am I just leaving Spike alone with Buffy right now.  She is still Buffy and I don't want him using her mental state to further his sick, perverted fantasies!  Tara, he fantasizes about being Buffy's sex slave for God's sake!!"  The boy is definitely on a roll right now.  I clench my teeth at his comments.   

"Would you rather I fantasize about YOU being MY sex slave?" I raise my eyebrow at him and wink.  Figured that would shut him up if nothing else would.

Oh, my unbeating heart, the look on his face is priceless.   He tries to stutter something out but fails miserably.  Oh, a bloke could have fun with this, but there are other more pressing matters to get to.

The witch comes over and grabs his hand.  She starts tugging him to the door.

"Xander, there are some things you don't know right now.  But Buffy can trust Spike with her life, I know it for a fact!"  As she says this, she looks at me and I actually see compassion in those eyes, not the revulsion I have come to expect.   Now the cramp comments at Buffy' s birthday party make some sense.  When in the hell did Buffy come clean with the witch?   She picked a good one to unload to.  If it weren't for Buffy, I would love to take a taste of her.  She is so delicious- looking.  

"Look, as much as I would love to stand around and banter some more, we have a sick slayer cooped up in the basement with some mojo which is not going to last very long.  I suggest you both high tail it out of here while you still can."

Tara and Xander step out on the porch.  I can see Xander dragging his feet.  He really doesn' t want to leave me here with Buffy.  I need to speak to the witch before she leaves.  Try to make her understand what I have to do and the consequences that will probably come about.  I think I can trust her;, Buffy obviously does.

"Witch, would you stay for a second?  Need to tell you something,." I say.  Xander looks like he is ready to come back in, but Tara stops him and steps back in alone.  I close the door in Xander's face.  I should have slammed it.   

She looks up at me.  What a beautiful creature she is.  The most alluring part is that she has no idea of the power she could wield over others if she only tried.  She would make a wonderful vampire, but I think Red's revenge upon my soulless demon would be worse than even I could imagine if I even tried.  I wonder if she would be shocked by my thoughts?

"It's O.K.,ok Spike.  I know you won't hurt her, if that' is what you're worried about."

Oh, if she only knew the half of it.  

 "It's not that.  You know I will probably have to drain her a bit to keep her weak?  She can easily kick my ass across town otherwise.  Means biting her, which she is'nt goin to be happy 'bout.  The other thing is.. well… it' s just that slayers' blood eaffects vampires a certain way and Buffy is not going to be happy with that either.  I don't think I will be able to control that aspect when it happens or will even want to."  I don't mean to sigh but sometimes it's warranted.   

She looks at me in confusion.  "What way does it affect you?"

I look at her and raise my eyebrow.  "How do you think, pet?"   

"Oh,  oh …  Uh, well I am sure you will do what's best.  I will just take Xander and we will go over to Willow's."  Her stutter is adorable.  I could really fall for this one given time.  Seducing her would be such a pleasure, 'specially since she fancies women instead.  I love a challenge.    I do love Buffy more than unlife itself, but vVampires are an immoral bunch and we can take only so much rejection 'till we move on.  At least, I try to tell myself that.  Moving on from Buffy has seemed impossible for me.  So these thoughts, while entertaining, will most likely never come to pass.

I take off my duster and look at her again.  "When you return, I might need to take a trip out of Sunnydale for a while.  She won't trust me after this, and until I can prove that I have changed without the chip, there is little chance for us.  I just want someone to know that the only reason I am doing this is because I love her more than blood itself and can' t imagine a world without her in it.  When this is all over, let her know that, would you?"

 I look into her eyes.  She understands what is at stake.  After shocking me with a quick hug and a kiss on my cheek, she leaves.  She wouldn't have done that if she could've of read my mind a couple minutes ago.  Figures., I am finally getting accepted into this group just when I will most probably have to leave.   

TBC…..

Feedback is always welcome – lets us know if people are actually reading and enjoying or hating it!


	4. Chapter 4

Title:  Reality Sucks Chapter 4   

**Author:**  Crunchberry

Email:  crunchberry327@hotmail.com

**Rating:**  R overall     

**A/N **– this is a rewritten  version of a WIP I posted a year ago titled What is Real.  That version was NC 17 – and I am rewriting it to be R rated – different ending (never got to end it last year due to FF deleting it.)  

**Disclaimers:**  Well Joss turned down my latest offer of monetary and physical rewards for giving up Spike, Buffy and the rest of the Scoobies.  For some reason he thinks he can retire on them!  

The tiles are worn from people wandering aimlessly around the corridors.  The paths they take are always the same, for there is nowhere to go.  The smells that permeate the hallways are not the most pleasant.  But it is the colorlessness of the place that seems to seep into a person's soul and makes everything appear hopeless.  Hope does not come often to these hallways, when it does, it is embraced with open arms.

One such instance had just happened in room 302.  For a while, the parents and the doctor had held the belief that the girl who lived in this room would finally stay awake and be with them.  But after seeing the lifeless look come back into her eyes, they were beginning to despair that it would ever happen.  The frail body that held their attention lay huddled in the corner of the room.  She is oblivious to the anguish coming off of the people surrounding her.  

Through it all, her hair is being stroked gently by a woman who is murmuring to her over and over.  "Come back to us honey".  The anguish on her face is heart wrenching.   She has watched her daughter come to life for the first time since last summer and they thought they had finally had the breakthrough that they had been hoping for.  Now they weren't too sure.  The woman continues to stroke her hair.  It is dull and listless just like the girls eyes.  OH god she thinks.  I can't keep going through this.  There is a slight stir and then a small moan comes from the girl.  She starts shaking her head and then looks up into her mothers face.  Recognition comes slowly to her eyes, but it is another sign of hope.

"Mom?  Mommy?  You didn't leave me?  I couldn't do it.  I couldn't kill them.  I am so sorry."  While she says this, her under lip trembles and she starts to cry.

"It's ok honey.  We just want you back here.  Stay with us this time.  We want to take you out of this place and get you home where you belong.  We love you so much.  Stay with us, please honey!

 The girl stays huddled but gradually nods her head.    She wants so badly to stay in this world, where its safe and everything makes sense.  She just didn't realize how hard it would be.  The other world was so real, just like this one.  

"Honey, the doctor explained that to you.  You have to get rid of your imaginary friends to be able to get well again.   None of that is real over there.  You have to understand that."

"I understand that, it's just so believable on both sides.  I love them.  They rely on me to keep them safe."

The woman strokes her face gently.  "I know dear, but it's all in your head.  Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this, in this hospital?  We miss you so much.  Come back to us sweetheart."

"I'm trying, I really am.  I just have to think of another way that is not so painful."  

She starts to gets a far away look in her eyes.  She feels something.  Something that sets her nerves tingling and a cramp in her lower abdomen.  "Spike" she says.  Her eyes seem to lose focus and she moans quietly.

"_Spike_?" the woman looks questioningly at her husband.

There is an eerie quiet to the house.  As he walks to the basement door, he can hear her coming up the stairs.  He places his hand upon the door.  She is close, and he knows she can feel him too.  He takes an unneeded breath.  Even with the door between them, his body is reacting to her presence.  He can't stop wanting her.  God he has tried.

The door opens and she is standing there just looking at him.  Her eyes look vacant and they look right through him.  The eyes are sunken and make her face look almost like a skeleton.  She can't afford to lose any more weight he thinks.  But she is still as beautiful as ever.

"Spike."  There is no emotion when she says this. "You know you're not real, not part of my life.  I mean, how could I EVER start falling in love with an evil soulless vampire?"  Shaking her head a bit she continues "Nobody in her right mind that is for sure.  If you are dust it's one less problem to deal with in order to get back to normal."

He was stuck on the words "falling in love with".  He never saw the blow coming.  It hit him so hard in the midsection that he flew backwards into the kitchen wall.  Shelving came undone and crashed down beside him.  By the time he looked up, she was on top of him and pulling him up for another punch.  That one was in the face, then a kick to his solar plexus.  This was not going too well he is thinking.  She is searching the kitchen as she is hitting him; he knows what she is looking for.  Why didn't I bloody hide all the wood before agreeing to do this he thinks.  Hell, she could find wood in the middle of Antarctica, who am I kidding?  

She reaches for one of the drawers.  He gets behind her and pins her to the countertop.  Grabbing her arms he pushes his pelvis into her.  Maybe he can sidetrack her.  She rears her head back and collides with his forehead.  Oh that hurt!  He looses his grip on her and she backhands him across the face.  He is knocked down by the force of her blows.  He doesn't want to hurt her but in order to survive he might have to.  

She has grabbed a wooden spoon from the drawer and jumps on top of him. Its probably the same one she almost dusted him years ago when she found him with Joyce.  Fond memories those.  But right now, he is in a bit of a jam.  He is stuck between the island and the sink cupboards.  Not a good position to maneuver and he tries to buck her off but before he knows it, she is raising the spoon ready to impale him.

"Buffy, look at me!   Just for a minute before you stake me!  I deserve that much luv."

She looks down at him.  All she has to do is stake him and most of her problems will go away.  Or would they just begin?   She looks at his face; his eyes are looking at her like she has never seen.  Bits of yellow seem to dance in front of the blue.  More yellow, what beautiful eyes he has she thinks.  

Good, can't bullocks it up now.  Concentrate mate, don't take my eyes off her eyes, don't

 think about how close you are to being a pile of dust right here on the Summer's kitchen floor.  God, haven't done this since the 1930's.  Putting your meals into a thrall was always Dru's bag.  He always loved the thrill of the hunt too much and it didn't seem sportsman like to do it this way.  But now he needs to do it, to be able to control her so he can survive.  He reaches out to her in his mind.   Tries to find the part of her that she needs to feel complete.  What every human strives for and very seldom reaches.  Vampires are able to find that center in humans, maybe it is because of the blood, and how life is connected to blood.  When you find the place for them, humans will do anything for you.  It is similar to heroin for the starved junkie.  

He is drowning in her eyes.  Eddies of turbulence are all around.  He sees her parents, the hospital, her sister and friends.  Anchor her to her friends he thinks.  He goes further, by this time both of them are still as statues.  

Going further he finds images of him.  Emotions are the strongest here.  Desire, lust and desperate need, for him.  The desire even now as she is fighting him almost overwhelms her.  She is always thinking of him.  She keeps telling herself its only physical attraction for her since love is too close to the truth.  She shuts these feelings behind a door where they stay locked up and she doesn't have to face them. It's a shadowy place where she won't go.   He tries to open it but its locked.  He wonders what else she hides behind this door and has an idea.   Everything she tries to deny is behind this.  Another time and place he might be able to help her, if she will ever let him. 

Going further he finds where the turbulence has gone and it is peaceful and beautiful.  Like sitting in the park on a warm spring day with not a care.  She strives for this.  Total denial of what she is – but its what he needs to find for now.  

Wrapping around that area in her mind, she will totally be under his control.  He is not sure how long this control will last.  Dru could make thralls last for days but she had a talent for it before she was turned.  The Master could make a thrall last for up to a day.  

 Not a lot of vampires could do it.  You had to be of the Masters line and you had to be taught.  You also had to have someone willing to teach you.  Dru had been more than willing to teach him.  He did it to please her, but it just wasn't his bag.   Angelus never learned it since he had Dru to do it for him.  Dracula made a big show out of it.  Used it all the time, the wanker.  

He gently starts taking control.  She starts moaning.  He thinks for a moment it is painful for her, but no, the smell of her arousal permeates the air around him. It is pleasurable for her.  She wants this.  

 Desire courses through him, through his every fiber.  His demon surges forward in anticipation.  He wants to claim her now while she is pliant.  Claim her and she can only be his.  No one else could have her then.  The demons reasoning is hard to resist, but he does.  The human part of him wants her to love him freely, not forced. 

 What a pansy he is. Vampires are supposed to just take what they want, and he has everything he wants here in his arms and he can make it permanent.  Oh whom does he think he's kidding, he has never been a normal vampire.

His demon tries to surge forward again.  He didn't know it would be this tough of a battle.  Figured it would be with her that he would be battling, not himself. 

   
As he exerts more control over her mind, he feels her defenses slip away.  It is easier than he thought, her will was now his for the time being.

He gradually pulls himself out and when he is back to staring into her eyes, he has to mentally shake himself.  His demon has never been this strong before.  He had no idea that would happen.  He can't let the demon take control for he might try to claim her or drain her without being able to stop.  

The spoon clatters to the floor beside him.  She has started rubbing herself against his pelvis and a flush has come across her skin.  He can't help himself; he traces her collarbone with his index finger and then up the column of her throat. 

 Oh god, he has wanted her blood since the day he first saw her dancing at the Bronze.  When she teased him in the bathtub the day of the witches spell, he almost ripped the chains out of the wall to get to her neck.  He remembered that day as one of the best of his unlife.  Not that he thought so at the time, but looking back on her being happy in his arms and planning a life with him was his own version of heaven.

But it wasn't the time, and maybe he wouldn't need to if she stayed under his control.  

But at the rate she was rubbing against him, he was losing the control to her….

TBC…..    

Feedback always welcome


	5. Ch 5

Reality Sucks 

**Chapter 5   **Changes

**Author:**  Crunchberry    

**A/N:**

– all grammatical mistakes are mine and Spikes.  He luckily was an English major That's why I told him he could help me out but he keeps trying to lick my neck when he is overlooks my shoulder while proofreading….   See – that is why my grammar might not be up to par– could YOU write if you had him licking your neck??  

**Disclaimers **– Unfortunately I do not own Spike nor he owns me.  He does however own a stolen motor cycle, a burnt out crypt, a KY jelly covered duster and lots of peroxide.  I own this computer and a huge house payment which is not helped out at all by my taking time to write fiction based upon Joss's characters.  For which my husband tells me constantly – get a job!  Oh – have one of those.  Doesn't pay well either!  

Tara closed the door and looked for Xander.  He was standing out on the sidewalk just rocking back and forth on his heels, hands shoved in his pockets and he was staring unblinking at the mailbox like it was the most interesting object in the universe.  

Coming up to him, she took his arm.  "Earth to Xander!  Anyone home right now?" she said smiling up at him.  "C'mon, its time to go help Willow". 

He jumped.  "You startled me – sorry was just thinking about things."  He didn't want to tell her that his thoughts kept going back and forth between running away from Buffy and how he ran away from Anya too.   

 "So,  uh Tara…   what's with getting dead boy in there?  You know, best-case scenario is that Buffy will stake him and put him out of his miserable excuse for an un-life.  Save us all the grief he puts us through on a weekly basis.  He is not going to be much help".

Tara looked at him and just shook her head. 

He absolutely refused to see what good Spike did and had conveniently forgotten all about last summer when Spike fought along side with them.  Spike didn't have to stay.  Sure he made a promise to protect Dawn but who in their right mind would think a vampire would keep a promise like that?  Vampires are evil, dishonest, heartless, cruel bloodsucking demons.  At least that is what all the watcher diaries say and the vast quantities of literature anyone can find on the subject.

Well, knowing Spike, that theory has been flushed right down the proverbial toilet.  Yes he could be dishonest but he could also be the most truthful of any of them.  Why can't Xander see any of that, Tara wondered.  Hell, why can't any of the Scoobies see that other than Dawn and herself? 

"Xander, I know you don't really mean that.  Buffy relies on Spike, trusts him even and, well Dawn adores him. And I really think Spike adores Dawn.  Plus WE need him right now.  My magic isn't strong enough for what we need."

"Oh let me just throw up for a minute Tara.  Spike only likes Dawn cause he thinks it will get him closer to Buffy.  The only reason Dawn supposedly adores Spike is because she is sixteen and thinks leather and cigarettes are cool."  His excuse even sounded lame to his ears.  Oh give it up  he thought.  The Summers women all had a blind spot with that peroxide pest of a vampire and it looked like it overlapped with Tara too.

"Lets just forget about this and get over and help Willow at the Magic Box.  I hope she has enough of the demon's poison left or we will have even more of a problem."  Tara didn't feel like fighting with Xander, she was more concerned that Willow was alone and the faster they could get this over with the better.

"OK, I can always dream that in her "I am Sybil but not half as crowded" state of mind that she lets him take a shower with holy water….."    Suddenly Taras elbow hit him in the ribs. 

 "OUCH!.. I was just kidding!  What is it with that guy that has the female contingent of the Scoobies always defending him?  Everyone conveniently forgets what he was just two years ago!"

"We aren't forgetting Xander, but we also see how much he loves Buffy and that he would never hurt her.  Now where is your car? "  Tara looked up and down the street searching for the vehicle he called an automobile.

"Yeah, but what about the rest of us?  If that chip ever came out,  we would be first in line on his drinking menu." 

"One  TaraTini, WillowColada and  Xander Hi-ball – shaken not stirred, coming up.   I don't think he would make a drink out of Giles, do you?  He always seemed to fancy the younger ones when he was thirsty."

"Xander, stop it!"  Laughingly, she hit him on the arm.  "Even though a WillowColada does sound good right now!"

Xander looked at her with both raised eyebrows.  "Can I watch?"

 "Oh, I didn't mean it that way!"  She started to walk away from him blushing furiously.

"My car is over this way" pointing in the opposite direction from where she started walking.  He came up and nudged her so she was going the right way.

"Parked it at the cemetery when I went to get dead boy for you.  Hopefully its still there.  For some reason he didn't want to walk in the glorious solar rays, afraid a tan might ruin his complexion or something.  Made me walk in the sewers all the way here. I think he enjoys making me miserable.  So if you don't mind, I really would rather walk above ground to go get it."

They started walking over to the cemetery where Spikes crypt was located.  Dusk was approaching and Tara found herself getting closer to Xander.  She really didn't like cemeteries even in the daylight and just hoped they would get to the car before it got any darker.

They got to the wrought iron fencing that surrounded the grounds.  As they entered, clouds covered what was left of the suns rays and it became quite gloomy.  Tara felt herself shiver. 

 She thought of Buffy every night patrolling the numerous cemeteries in Sunnydale looking for dead people to rise out of freshly dug graves.    No wonder she seldom smiled.  It wasn't much of an existence for her.  Working at the Double Meat Palace and then patrolling, night after night, if Spike gave her some comfort, who were they to deny it to her?  

 Tara spotted Xanders' car up ahead just as Xander pointed it out. 

"There it is.  The Xander mobile ready and waiting."   The slightly battered and semi rusted 1994 red Mustang looked like a safe sanctuary after their stroll thru the ominous graveyard.  As Xander had said, it was either a nice apartment for Anya or a nice car for him, and since when did a guy ever win that type of argument?

Xander gallantly opened the door for Tara with a bow and walked around and got into the drivers side.  He saw Spikes crypt up ahead and his dark thoughts from before came back to haunt him.  He was very uneasy about Spike for some reason tonight.  He couldn't put his finger on it but something just seemed a bit off.  Oh, it was probably his imagination.  He liked to give the peroxide guy a hard time but he did have his uses.  Not many, but some.  I just hope he is able not to screw things up like he usually does.

****

Inside the Summers kitchen, it looked like a hurricane had blown through.  Broken glass on the floor and counter tops, pictures and shelves hanging crooked on the walls and an eerie silence that permeated the space made it seem like it was situated right in the eye of the hurricane.  The quiet part between the storm fronts, where time stands still before the raging forces come to the fore again to battle with the elements. 

Down on the floor, pinned between the island and the refrigerator were the two people that caused this destruction.  They were still as statues, since the raging part of the storm had passed by for the moment.

Buffy had Spike pinned to the floor in between her legs.  She wasn't attacking him anymore and seemed to just sit there while staring at him, a faraway look in her eyes.  He seemed to have her under thrall but he was also fighting his own demon.  With her pelvis pressed tight against his groin, it just aggravated his arousal even more and then his demon seemed to grow even stronger with its desires. Buffy picking up the hardness she was pressed agains, started grinding down on him unconsciously, the scent of her arousal started to surround him and he knew he had to do something fast or totally lose control of the situation.

"Get up Slayer!  This is bloody uncomfortable down here."  Spike bucked his hips upwards to jar her away from what she was doing to him.

She slowly rose with the blank expression still on her face.  Inside her mind, she kept thinking, something isn't right, I am supposed to be doing something but I can't remember what.  It was like her mind was a book but the words were all unfocused.  The only thing that was clear was the sound of his voice and the intense blue of his eyes that kept staring right through her it seemed.  

Spike rose slowly with some apprehension.  He didn't know how long the thrall would hold or how strong a hold he had on her.  He wished the antidote could be made up within an hour instead of a day or two.  There was no way he thought he could keep her in a thrall for that long.  Also the thought of her under his control brought strange emotions to the surface. The idea of her submissive to him gave him all sorts of decadent ideas.  He was actually living his fantasies that he had had of her back before the chip, back before he realized he was in love with her.  A master vampire in control of a slayer.  Willing to be his slave if he so desired…  God, where are these thoughts coming from he wondered?

He realized his other problem was his demon that kept trying to gain control.  That's where these thoughts were coming from, stroking his ego, stroking his manhood in more ways than one.  Just a nip it kept coaxing, look at her, she wants it as badly as you do.

 Her neck looked so enticing, hell it always looked enticing.  He just wanted to nuzzle it and smell her unique scent.  Before he knew it, his face was lowering to her neck and he had his right hand holding her head gently, his fingers entwined in her hair.  God, he couldn't help himself, his tongue came darting out and traced the column of her throat.  Her blood was singing in his ears, the pulse of it danced on his already frayed nerves.  Tracing his tongue up and down and over her earlobe, Buffy leaned in further to his embrace.  Her saltiness on his tongue was almost his undoing.  He missed holding her and his hands started rubbing her body, gently moving under her shirt.  He tenderly cupped her breast and rubbed against her.  Her hands clutched at his shoulders.  

Her unbridled moan was like ambrosia to his senses. 

 His demon came to the fore unbidden just like a fledgling.  Purring softly to keep her calm, he gently sunk just the tip of one of his fangs into her jugular.  Just a taste he thought, that was all.  His left hand gently kneaded her lower back and pressed her more firmly into his embrace.  As his fang sunk into the rich depths of her blood he knew he had definitely gone to his idea of heaven.  Without conscious thought, his other incisor slipped in and he started suckling like a newborn babe.  Her blood was unlike the other slayers blood he had tasted, hers was like nectar to the gods themselves.  He never wanted for the feeling to end, the richness flowing down his throat and the power it seemed to infuse his body with.   His demon was almost howling with triumph while the essence that was Spike was succumbing to the beast and to the heady mixture of her blood.  Lust permeated throughout his body, unbelievable heat that he had never even dreamed of flowed in his veins.  Now he wanted his body inside of her, not just his fangs.  His purr turned into a growl of passion as he moved to claim her, mark her as his.

Buffy had never felt anything like this.  A small part of her mind was trying to make itself known that something was definitely wrong.  The part that was in control of her mind kept insisting that she was where she belonged, in the embrace of her destined companion, lover and master.  That she should submit to this claiming.  When Spike nuzzled her neck, it had felt so right and when he had purred she totally capitulated to his desires as well as hers.  She wanted to submit totally to him, give her life if needed, anything to make him happy.  The feeling of his teeth in neck, sucking gently brought her over the edge, a mini orgasm that seemed to go on and on as he continued sucking.  She didn't want this to end, wanted more.  Her body and her mind wanted him to totally claim her.

These thoughts swirled around and around in her head.  God, she had never wanted anyone more in her life, if he didn't take her now, she thought she would die.  She was throbbing in need and couldn't press herself any closer to him.  

"Please, god… please  Spike…..   I need.."  she moaned and pressed herself as close as she could to him.  Her hands started ripping his shirt off of him.  Buttons went flying around the kitchen, clattering on the counter.  She reached for his belt buckle with one hand and with the other roamed over his lower stomach muscles.  With each touch, they contracted; her fingers grazing the skin at the top of his jeans.  Her fingers delved under the waist band and his growl sounded even deeper in his throat.  The sucking on her neck was driving her body over and over the edge, but she needed more.

Reading her mind thru the connection of the thrall, he more than wanted to grant her wishes.  Picking her up, he quickly carried her up to her bedroom.  Laying her down on her bed, he stared at her in wonder. He was going to claim her tonight and nobody would interfere.  She wanted it just as badly as he did.   Laying on top of her, he went back to nuzzling her neck, purring softly as his incisors sank back into her flesh.

His hands coming up under her shirt to fondle her breasts as her hands clutched his chest in desperation and need.  Clothes were definitely in the way and she wanted him inside of her at the same time as he was sucking on her.  The sensations were driving her wild.  She had no idea it could be this pleasurable.  She never wanted him to stop, not even realizing as she thought this that if he didn't , she would die.  Only raw animalistic feeling was between them now.  Spike started tearing her pants down her legs, not caring if he ripped them in two, just the knowledge that he had to be inside of her heat as soon as possible.  

Neither of them realized that the demon part of him had both of them under thrall and the more blood he drank, the stronger the demon became.


End file.
